[Film] Danish Girl & Carol - Selfless & Selfish

What is the difference between be selfless and be selfish?

Yesterday, my friend picked two movies, Danish Girl and Carol, to see the connections between them. Obviously, love is the thing they have in common, the love between Gerda Wegener and Einar Wegener and the love between Therese Belivet and Carol Aird. Therefore, we discussed different kinds of love from different perspectives, such as LGBT, the bond with family and love affair (or, cheating, u can say). However, these are not the points I want to highlight here. The point I want to focus on is the struggling of themselves and their partners.

I do see part of myself in these two movies.

While I was watching Danish Girl, there was a voice in my head kept saying that “Einar this selfish bitch, how could u torture ur great wife like this.” Maybe this is the Gerda’s responsibility for taking care of her husband after finding out he wanted to take reassignment, and this the consequence came after awakening Lily who has hided in Einar for a long time that Gerda had to face.

As for Carol, Therese kept avoiding answering his boyfriend’s invitation for traveling together, but she nodded her head immediately when Carol asked her to join the trip. And we have Carol. As long as her husband goes out of town, she usually has some special guests at home.

My friend asked me what would u do if you put yourself into Gerda’s, the husband’s and boyfriend’s shoes? 

To be honest, I do have no idea in this situation. I couldn’t do what Gerda did for her husband, so selfless, but if I choose the way the boyfriend and the husband did, am I too selfish?

Selfless or selfish, which one is easier to be?

As a gay man, sometimes I get myself struggled of being me or asking my self am I too selfish?  I do want my family give their whole support to me like Gerda did for her husband, so selfless, but like the voice in my head said “you are too selfish”.  You can tell how much suffer Gerda has been through, do you want to put your family like this situation?

Therefore, I can choose to keep this secret with me to be a selfless person, just lock it in the attic, but for family, they become selfish unconsciously, or, maybe, I can tell them who I really am and let them decide to support me or not, decide to be selfless or selfish, then no matter what their decision will be, I am a selfish guy. 

What is the difference between be selfless and be selfish?

They are dualism.

Sometimes, we do really need to be selfish to pursue after what we do like or accept what kind of person we really are. It may hurt someone deeply but it is the price you need to pay, the pain you need to face if you want to chase for your happiness and dream.